you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
