Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
