my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
