NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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