Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize