i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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