He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
