Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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