Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
