I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
