you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
