he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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