I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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