I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
