chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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