I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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