on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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