you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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