these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
