Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
