It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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