just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
