Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize