I cockslap morals
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
