Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
