i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
