last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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