hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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