I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
