I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
