Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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