We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
