Jerry, you need to find god
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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