I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
