Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
