I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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