All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
