I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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