So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
