First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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