Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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