i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dick very happy bro
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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