thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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