I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize