My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
