I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
