I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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