Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
