Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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