fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize