why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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