dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
