I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
