You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
