Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
is it fun? or sober?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
