I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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