that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
