hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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