new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
