I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
