Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
