So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
