Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
