I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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