I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
