i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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