My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
