If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
