I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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