I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
time to smoke my breakfast
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
