dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize