So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
