I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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