i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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