I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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