Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
