WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
