I wish I could teleport
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
