You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
