his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
pray to the hookup gods
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
