so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
