just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
