ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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