Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
then he tried to convert me to islam
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
