I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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