I CAN MOONWALK!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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