bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
