In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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