Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
