I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
