i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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