what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
