Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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