how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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