you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
