I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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