No awkward lesbian experiences without me
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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