I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
