I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
stop calling my apartment porn island.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
