I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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