woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
