sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize