There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
NoShamevember. You game?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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