if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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