Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
