also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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